No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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