If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
