He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
