weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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