my soul wont recognize me after tonight
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
