he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
