As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
