I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
