I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
