just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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