I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize