Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
