OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
