Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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