yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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