two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
