Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
