I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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