Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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