I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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