she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
