Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
