There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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