We won't sleep together?
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
