Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
as a side note pls kill me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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