every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
