Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
