So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
