why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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