I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
