Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
