The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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