wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
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i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize