Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
