when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
