I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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