i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
