You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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