Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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