hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
