I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
