she looked like the before picture.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
