Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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