his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
