I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
