And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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