so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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