Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
