Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
