I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even my farts smell like vagina
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize