her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
it's like heaven, but drunker
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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