my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
