Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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