I wish my penis had an off switch
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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