hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
