You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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