Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
