So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
