Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
