No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
