Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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