After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So much rum. So many feels.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
