I just saw a hot homeless man
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
