the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
