i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
