new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
