that's an acceptable place to lick
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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