can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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